COUPLE CONFLICT

Relationships…are they are challenge or not?!! For those of us who have been in a relationship for a long time we know it only too well, right?!

I have been working with couples now for a long time and have discovered this one thing… this one commonality that is at the epicentre of couple conflict time and time again. The content may be different, but this is the one thing that remains the same throughout…and this is …are you ready for it? (drum roll)….Poor communication! Maybe not a surprise to everyone right!

At the heart of conflict is the challenge to resolve issues, to feel emotionally safe with your partner, you find that there are some glitches in your interactional pattern. Yes this is the couple’s ability to move through and resolve issues, or to make decisions. Often in the process what gets in the way is reactive defensive or dismissive responses. Or for example, one person in the couple may be great at being historical… that’s not ‘hysterical’…though this may be the case! Equally bringing up the past is one common response that is unhelpful to moving forward.

Through Couple Talk Coaching our aim at ALS is to work with the couple to improve their communication in conflict, and outside of conflict, in the every day communication. We do not focus on finding fault, but our aim is in improving the ‘mechanics’ of how couples communicate. I call this “tweaking the interactional pattern”. Patterns are formed early on in a relationship and this becomes the mechanical blueprint for how each couple communicates - healthily or unhealthily. No two couples are the same! Each couple bring unique elements to your interactional pattern. That is why you require personalised support because, though books are helpful to learn from, there is no book out there written that fits to the exact needs of your pattern.

We believe that at the heart of good communication is the ability to listen to the other, to be empathic, to understand and validate the other’s perspective (even if you don’t agree!) and to keep moving towards a mutual resolution, no matter the content. It is also about improving the couples ability to be there emotionally for the other when needed in general. Creating a safe haven emotionally when you just want to be listened to is a need we all have from time to time. When something is troubling you, that you need to offload but don’t necessarily want your partner to ‘fix’ the problem for you, is again an area where couples tend to hit a glitch. Improving how we communicate what we need at any given time is one way in which we can achieve closeness in our relationships.

If you are interested in Couple Talk Coaching please call our office on 0404 199 617. We look forward to supporting you.