Listen!
When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen!
All I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do - just hear me.
And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
then I can stop trying to convince you
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn,
and I will listen to you.
- Author Unknown
Couple Relationships
Having been married for well over 30yrs, and in particular having spent many many hours working with couples over the years as a therapist, I understand well the challenges that relationships can bring.
The poem above clearly articulates the experience that some couples have with their communication in their relationship. The most common core issue that presents in my office when couples share about their disconnect - is a lack of emotional intimacy. I think this poem provides an insight into one’s experience and the interactional process which is revisited time and time again by many couples.
When emotional intimacy is not present, all other aspects of intimacy become a challenge. Sometimes the disconnect is so deep, the couple may feel there is no way back.
At Abundant Life Strategies Couple work is focussed on moving from ‘blaming each other’ to coaching the couple how to communicate effectively, whilst also addressing patterns established over time. I work with the couple along the way to help them to understand each other better. When done well clients feel heard and validated by the other. There is a shift from being emotionally unsafe partner(s) to someone they can rely upon and be vulnerable with.
If you are looking to improve your relationship, if you are tired of doing the same old dance time and time again, and getting nowhere, if you wish for an authentic and genuine relationship, then I can help you to work towards this step by step.
On the other hand you may believe that your relationship is beyond repair, and separation is the only option. At Abundant Life Strategies we can help you to work through this decision, and be confident with your decision to move forward.
Whatever you are going through in your relationships, support to talk this through will help you to move forward. No matter how complex you may feel things are, help is only a phone call away.
This may very well be the most valuable thing you do for yourself and your relationship.
Other Relationships: Family, and Workplace
At Abundant Life Strategies we have many years of experience working with families, and workplace relationships. Good communication is key to all relationships, and these relationships are equally important to our wellbeing.
Families often present and this may be parents and their dependents, in-laws with their adult children, or blended families who have been experiencing ongoing conflict associated with communication, boundaries, parenting, change and adjustment who seek support for mediation and restoration of relationships.
Additionally, families with young children or teens are facing many challenges these days with family breakdown and separation, conflict in the home, anxiety and depression, and peer pressure exacerbated by social media, are also seeking help.
We also spend a great deal of our life at work and workplace relationships are important too. We all need a little help from time to time to manage the challenges that come from working so closely with others.
Whatever the issue we can help you and those around you to get the most out of life and to be all that you can be in life and in relationships.
